Times of a Project Officer

"Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. 

All life is an experience"- Ralph Waldo Emerson    

Habitat for Humanity: 'A world where everyone has a decent place to live'

             No amount of pre-arrival planning could have prepared me for the scope of work that I’ve been exposed to. I think that if I knew about all the things I would end up working on, I would have had more time to brood on whether I could do it or not. While my main role as a project officer was to coordinate all the logistics pertaining to the Women’s Build Research, I’ve gained valuable exposure to a range of areas such as budgeting, project analysis, assisting with donor reporting and grant writing, stakeholder interviews, and data analysis. I’ve also gotten to expand on my gender analysis skills, providing gender sensitive feedback in program evaluation.

            The culmination of my time at Habitat approaches swiftly, with one week at the office left. While I did at many times doubt if I could handle some of the tasks given—especially the ones that were completely new, I can see that I’ve gained confidence in my approach to work. In many ways I’ve been challenged, reminded of my strengths and made aware of areas of growth as I go on professionally. Having a supportive supervisor—who was patient and willing to let me learn constantly, helped greatly.  I was made to feel a part of decision-making processes—and as a result, gained a lot of insight.

            I sense that although I have five days left at the office, my learning is not done here. My work at Habitat has been more varied than I anticipated it would have been, thanks to the range of new opportunities that were presented to me. Characterized by new exposure, strong points and learning curves, I feel assured that even with its challenges, this has been a good thing. What I have learnt here professionally-and personally, will lend to the preparation for what’s next on my journey.

Life, Loss & The Grace In-between

 My dearth of writing came from a place of feeling overwhelmed by what life had produced in such a short space of time. A part of my hesitancy to write came from the need to guard myself from the reality of what was happening. Once you bear yourself and your thoughts to those in your world, its hard to ever recall this part of yourself you’ve given over.

In a month’s time, I went from celebrating the newness of life-- as one of my colleagues gave birth to her son, to mourning the unexpected loss of the friendly guard on staff at the office. Each day, he was the first person to greet everyone at the office and the last person to say farewell to. Such an exchange became a part of my daily life here, and despite whatever happened from 9:30am-5:30 pm that day, I always left with a smile on my face, thanks to his big smile and warm farewells. His untimely passing became all to real as I came to work the day I found out, and found another guard sitting where he sat, just two days ago. My struggle with his loss and the fact that death comes so swift and unexpected was exasperated by a personal struggle that stretched continents. 


I had recently found out from my family that my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, and that it was ‘too far gone’. While ‘Too far gone’ captures the severity of the stage of the disease, the vagueness of this was unkind. All I could do was try to be ‘present’ to him and my family through phone calls marked by all too frequent drops in internet connection. I prayed and hoped that I could see him in person soon, and I know, thanks to conversations that I had with my granddad, that he wished the same. I was here in Vietnam when I got the call that my grandfather passed away. Since then, the last two weeks have been foggy, and somewhat distant, between long plane rides, jet lag and saying final farewells as we laid him to rest. To struggle with why he passed when he did and not getting to be in his presence seems like self-torment. Should I have not come to Vietnam and thus been closer to home so I could have gotten there sooner? Then, I remember how with each phone call, despite how ill he was feeling, he’d always ask how I was doing, how work was going, and reminded me to keep at it. To any sense of reservation on my part, he’d often quip his life mantra ‘Let not your heart be troubled'. Besides my faith, family and support from friends, this has been the hope I’ve held on to.

‘I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - 

only that it meets us where we are,

 but does not leave us where it found us’

                                                                                           - Anne Lamott

I’ve seen grace manifested and multiplied, coming at the most unexpected and most needed moments, from loved ones and strangers. My supervisor—and now a dear friend, stayed with me every moment after the wake of finding out of my granddad’s passing until I went through security to board my flight. With a 14-hour lay-over, the travel agent when I went to change my return flight did a last minute booking for me to stay in their complimentary airport hotel in South Korea. For visa miracles that made it possible for family members living in distant countries to be there at the funeral and just for the family and friends that surround me, I am grateful and ever reminded that life abounds with grace.

I’m less than two weeks from ending my internship in Vietnam, 19 days away from graduation and less than a month away from ending life as a student—for now, and facing a new beginning. In many ways, I don’t know how and where this new beginning will take place. Before all that has happened, I was overly consumed with ‘What’s next?’, spending countless hours job hunting and coming up with a ‘life plan’ of sorts. Now, I’ve been reminded that my life is not my own. I should live each day grateful for where I am, the people that are in my life, and where I am going. While many things in the near future remain unclear and there’s still a tinge of anxiety around this, I constantly hear my granddad words, ‘Let not your heart be troubled’ willing me on. I hope, in all things, to daily walk with a heart replete with grace and to ‘live freely, love deeply’ like he did.

‘I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear)’

                                                                                                  -E.E Cummings

A Time for Boostin' Egos

 Cambodia, its so good to see you again

           The 6 hour bus ride to Phnom Penh, Cambodia was to extend my Vietnam Visa. Once I checked-in at the hotel, I made my way to the embassy. Long waiting times for visa? This was the exception, as my visa took all of 20 minutes to get approved. I wasn’t expecting to be so short of a wait, and I was able to go back to the street the hotel was located at, have lunch and read for an hour. Also, all the hotels on this road had the name ‘Golden’ in it, so I know refer to it as ‘Golden Street’.

            Three of my classmates are based in Cambodia, two in Phnom Penh: Jennie and ‘Shauna and one outside Siem Reap: Sayaka. It worked out that we’d all be in the city that weekend! I could not have asked for a better time in Phnom Penh, good company, good food, laughs and the best advice.  Hearing what everyone was doing, how they were addressing the challenges of living and working in a foreign country allowed us to be supportive (in person) of each other. It also helped all of us put our thoughts on a lot of things into perspective.

Celebrating over dinner! :)

            By the end of the day, thanks to all the votes of confidence and positivity we mutually gave and received, we had a good dose of our ego's being boosted. Sometimes this is needed, to get out of your head and away from self-critique and have people honestly acknowledge your strengths. Despite graduation being around the corner and our concerns about our career path afterwards, we all agreed we are young and determined. We’re competent young women about to enter our careers full-time. Watch out world! :)

Catching up over one of our coffee outing in the city!

              The weekend reminded me of how blessed I am to be surrounded by such strong individuals—like all of the other ‘Globies’ from our program, posted around the world right now. For this I’m thankful, and I’m encouraged daily by such giving, sincere hearts. Also each of these ladies are hilarious in their own way and we had some serious belly-hurting laughter :) Thanks for hosting more good times Cambodia!

A Loss that was & Forever will be

            I am surrounded by the calm sounds of birds chirping, the distant chug of tuk-tuks coming to a halt along the gravel road.  Ever so often, the scraping noise of the footsteps of fellow curious tourists intrudes. Upon entering, the genocide center asks for all observers to be quiet. We were each handed a headset and a device, in which we would select the number that corresponds to the signs along the way...

The listen device that was distributed

            The coexistence of the serene environment at that present moment and the haunting of a bloody, hate-filled past makes for a tense atmosphere. Too moved to cry, too moved to speak. There I sat at one of Cambodia’s hundreds of killing fields from under the rule of the Khmer Rouge. In this moment I feel defeated as eerie words fill my head as I listen to the audio I’ve been given:

‘To keep you is no gain.

To lose you is no loss.’

            These are the words of Pol Pot, the leader of the Khmer Rouge. The result was genocide, mass killings of 1.7 million people—approximately 20% the population, between 1975—1979. This is recent history, not far removed from you and I, and the reality of this presses me. I almost missed out on being there and having this life-defining moment, for fear that it would be too charged of an experience to handle on my own. My visit to the genocide museum in the capital of Phnom Penh provided the first confirmation that I needed to go, as well as the urging of a friend. I silently prayed for the strength that I would be able to cope with what I would encounter…

            The audio of survivors recalling seeing the family members murdered, explicit details of the killing tactics and the knowledge that every time it rains, more bones surface, replays in my mind. A part of me wants to shake this wretched feeling, that humans can be so evil. A part of me wants me to remember it, store it in my memory. 

Part of the audio at this part made the remark to the effect of : 'Its as if even in death their souls cannot rest in peace'

I never want to lose sight or give up on learning about the world’s injustices, and trying to figure out how I can play a part in addressing them. Maybe I’ll feel overpowered by it all. Maybe I’ll feel like giving up. There’s the fear of being overwhelmed by the ghastly reality that many people live in. We bear witness too all of this, but it comes down to a personal choice on how we will let it shape our thoughts and our actions. 

Along the route, audio, explaining the history, accompanied signs

             I am often overwhelmed with how emotionally charged I can get about people, their rights and their freedoms. I question if I am and will be capable of turning such feelings into action. I know that I need to get better at defining boundaries in terms of being able to say I’ve done all I can for one day and put aside things for tomorrow. Making time for what I love, the people I love and new things to love as I evolve also needs to be a priority. ‘Save the world’ is not a complex I want to develop, but I do want to be mindful of the things that need changing. At the end of the day, I want to be able to say that even with mistakes, I’ve done what I can, when I can.  

            Overcoming the initial hesitancy to visit the killing fields was a positive step; and I left feeling convicted—in a healthy way, about many things. The self-guided tour ended at a monument, built to commemorate the lives lost.

Entrance to the killing field and the memorial 

 I purchase flowers to pay respect. Seventeen levels of shelves held the fractured skulls of thousands of deceased, evident of signs of applied blunt force and trauma. These are but a few of millions killed, but the effect is the same: this was real and the consequences remain an ever-present force in the lives of those who survived, their families and Cambodia as a nation.

Entrance & Inside the memorial

To learn more about the genocide in Cambodia, Pol Pot & The Khmer Rouge:

 Khmer Rouge History: Cambodia Tribunal


(P.S I apologize if this post seems a bit incoherent and all over the place in terms of content!).

'Cai Luong'-To Transform

            Art, whether taking in the varied expressions of another artist, or painting or drawing my own, it makes me at home wherever I go; providing a serene space. After a rough couple of weeks, I finally had enough energy to go out during the day this weekend. I told myself, even if it was for a few hours, I needed to go out and stick to my plan of visiting as many Art galleries as I possibly could. Saturday morning, after devouring some left-over food from Ganesh, one of the city’s best Indian restaurant’s just across the street, I made my way to De Tam street, where a gallery called  ‘Galerie Quynh’ was located. I wasn’t too sure where it was located in comparison to my bearings of the city, but it was in District 1, so it couldn’t be to far off.

           As the taxi came to a slow place, turned left and starting to make it’s way through the backpacker district, I started to cringe. I had recently been there with my friend Lauren, and we both disliked our hour spent there. An artificial oasis of all things tourist, streets strewn with hostels, dinky bars, travel agencies; this place is over-run with the type of tourists that don’t care about their actions and are mostly here for the wrong reasons. As insular as my living in District 1 can be, and I recognize the privilege of living in this ‘good area’ of town, I still feel and experience Vietnam. There, I felt out of place, a different type of out of place I’ve felt in my time here…

            I arrived at Galerie Qunyh, and from across the street it looked closed. The taxi driver was unsure as well, so I decided to tell him to wait, and I would walk out to check and see if it was open. I was happy and relieved to see someone behind the front desk, and signaled to the taxi driver that it was open, who waved, smiled and drove off. I entered the gallery and took a deep breath in, overwhelmed by the heat outside and then taking in the burst of cool air. The sudden visual encounter of the art-strewn walls was welcomed and I was happy that this current exhibit featured a range of local and foreign artists.  A gallery on two levels, the first was mainly illustrations, from ink and watercolour, and a few charcoal drawings. The art work on the second floor was my favourite part of this exhibit. The artist I was most drawn to was Hoang Du'ong Cam. The series is  entitled 'Cai Luong', which means 'Transform’.

One of the featured pieces of Cai Luong ' To Transform'

I loved this piece, hence the shameless self portrait of me in front of it!

            Before leaving, I signed up for the next exhibit opening, thanks to the coaxing of  a pleasant staff, a Canadian-born but bearing a strong Australian accent after living there for several years. After my time there, I walked—cautious of my environment as the gallery was a little bit past the backpacker’s area, and made my way back up to the main street, stopping to take a few photos and browsing stores along the way. I treated myself to lots of window-shopping and a bit of actual shopping--including a hand-made beaded ring, which the store-owner said when I put it on ‘That looks so nice on you! It suits you!’ Maybe it was just  to seal the deal, but I bought it—literally, as I do think it looked really good! My trip was a bit short-lived, as I still get tired really quickly thanks to my friend, the parasite.

The view on my walk back

           I was happy I went, and from that visit, I left feeling content with the work I just got to see, and inspired to commit to making time for art more of a habit for myself after graduation. I’ve found out about several galleries I want to visit before I leave. Did I mention I have less than 2 months left? I need to start checking MORE things of my bucket list. This week, although not so excited about the long bus ride to get there, I’ll be thankful that a trip to Phnom Penh, Cambodia—made necessary by needing to extend my visa, will allow me to definitely see two of my friends from BC, possibly three! I’m definitely looking forward to seeing familiar faces and being around their warm and funny personalities again!

Parasites in Vietnammm

Vietnammm: Food-delivery at its best!

           So the last week and a half has been the most dull and I have nothing exciting or challenging in terms of work/culture to report about my experience here. Getting sick is one of the worst parts in a cross-cultural experience. Let’s just say, I have been pushed well pass the ‘honey-moon phase’ of cultural shock. I’m currently in the ‘I don’t want to be here’ phase, thanks to the less than wanted presence of a parasite.  Yes, a parasite, which has resulted in me working from home this whole time, having to avoid the sun thanks to a medication to help prevent one potential side effect of it.
           Avoiding the sun, in Vietnam? In the start of the hot season? Oh Yes, this will turn out well…and by that I mean I’ve literally only left my apartment when the sun goes down, as it is so unbelievably hot right now. I get no natural sun-light where I’m saying, so I’ve taken to calling this time as my ‘bat cave’ days. I usually am more optimistic in terms of personality, but not this week at all. I’ve realized that I also get more homesick and want familiar things around me when I get really sick when travelling/ living abroad. It'll be a few weeks before the parasite actually goes away but I finished the first round of medication already! Despite being miserable and whiny, and basically a hot mess this entire time, there are a few things that managed to make me forget--at least temporarily, how awful I was feeling:

• Technology: Face-time= best 99 cents ever spent on an app! Its been so good to actually see faces of family and friends and the connection allows for!! Skype—I still appreciate you, even though you usually fail miserably at making video-calls and even voice calls here, but you worked great a few times this week. Also! G-chat and google phone. Thank the Lord for technology hear?!
• Vietnammm: a lovely food-delivery website my supervisor introduced me to a while ago. I hadn’t used it until this week, as I’d usually walk around after work to go find dinner. However, I started using it to order lunch! I’ve tried about 3 new restaurants thanks to the website, and the delivery is flawless! My new favorite is ‘The Black Cat’, ‘In the top 10 of CNN’ the slogan reads. I’ve also been able to specify what things I’m allergic to so its not in my food, which has been hard to really control in most of my time being here.
• Seeing Cover-Drive on TV: ‘Cover-Drive’ is a great band from home, Barbados, that’s I’ve been following since their cover-days on YouTube. They were signed to a label, and have been doing big things—Bajan Style!, on the music scene especially in the UK and that side of the world. Well I randomly turned on the TV and it was still on a music-video channel, and a video was ending. Then literally, I heard: ‘TWILIGGHHTTTT!!!! I’M LOVIN DIS TWILLIGHTTTTT!!!’ and see Cover Drive’s music video!!! I couldn’t believe it!!! I was soooo excited for them!!! Also, it was good to hear a tinge of a Bajan accent blasting from the TV!! From Bimrock— 166 square miles, to UK, and beyond even up in Vietnam!!!! Represent!!!
• Data-Entry: For work, I've been entering data for some research that was conducted earlier. I also have to do charts for each of the questions, and as tedious as data entry can be, my 'Work Jams' play-list has helped me pass this time well.

           If you haven't lost interest in this post yet, just in-case I'll end here as this is a poor attempt at making this blog-entry entertaining.  I was supposed to go to Singapore just for fun this weekend, but was too sick to handle it, which was disappointing. However, thinking of the cup 1/2 full- right A.E.E Venkatesh ;). Hoping to make it there before I leave!! Also, I have less than three months left here, so its been fun trying to think of where I can manage to go visit next. Potentially, I'll be do some travelling at the end of April with Lauren, who's also based in Vietnam-- but 6 hrs away ! I also have to extend my visa, so will need to go to Cambodia again to do that, but this time it’ll be Phnom Penh! Two of my other friends from BC Shauna and Jennie are based there, so I cannot wait to hopefully see both of them soon— possibly next week once I get my approval letter! Thanks for putting up with my bit of a rant and my attempt to think of highlights from this week! :P

Research Time: Habitat, Women & Housing

Women's Build Research Team!

            In the time-span of two months, I’ve accumulated well over 100 e-mails which includes something along the lines of ‘Women’s Build’ in it. I have a heightened level of respect for people who’s daily work is logistic centered, as it is time-consuming, requires a lot of patience, and willingness to make multiple corrections to ‘final versions’ of things. All to make sure things run as smoothly as possible. I was in charge of facilitating most of the logistics pertaining to the research and this was a broad range of things. I ended up doing budgeting—detail all our expenses for the trip, finalizing copies of our research agenda to send to government officials and collecting base-line data from some of our staff at our offices across the country.  For a lot of the logistics work, I could not hesitate to ask for help because of the language barrier. I don’t know how I would have gotten everything done without willing, helpful hands. I felt in over my head at several points, but had to remind myself to do the best I could and when in doubt to ask for help.

            After my passport forgetting fiasco, I was able to join the team in ‘conducting’ research.  ‘Conducting’ research was quite interesting as we had 7 local authorities accompany us everywhere we went. Foreigners are not allowed to conduct research in Vietnam without government approval. This includes providing them with the rationale for the research, a research agenda/protocol detailing where you will visit and the exact times, as well as how many people will be coming to do the research. We were only expecting 1 authority—two at most, but were really surprised that this much came. Only the head researcher from the US, a local translator and government officials were allowed to enter the room, which made for an interesting dynamic.  While waiting for the interviews to be completed—anywhere between 30 minutes to 1 hour, we sat, wherever we could. My Tho was so much hotter than the city, so finding shelter from the sun was a priority.

Most of the places we sat and waited were at people's homes: This was my favourite!

            During the waiting time, my supervisor suggested I interviewed the female local authorities to get their opinions on the work and how its been helping women. I had no questions written down, but thanks to learning so much about the projects before arriving, I was able to think of good questions to ask! I definitely had a social worker ‘thrill’ moment, and had to try really hard to mask my excitement about such hands on experience. We sat mostly on the ground or on stools, so this made things feel less formal, and one of my co-workers translated for me. When I had asked all of my questions pertaining to the projects, I put into practice something I observed while assisting Professor Delaney- a dear professor from undergrad, with research in East Timor. At the end of every interview, Professor Delaney would make it a point to ask whoever she interviewed—whether a single individual or a community of 50 people, if they had any questions for and about her. People’s faces would lit up at this offer! We often rush to get information from people for the sake of research, without even given them the option of having a glimpse into our reality. 

          Reminded of this, I asked the two women I had interviewed if they had any questions for me, about me, to which they smiled and then responded with several questions! Where are you from? Barbados—Where is that? How old are you? Are you married? What are you studying? By the end of our exchange; through asking more questions, I got to learn about how they got into this field of work, where they were from in Vietnam, and about their families. I also received the translation: ‘They say you tell you: You are cute!’ to which I responded ‘Cam on!’ (Thank you!); received big smiles and the both literally started to pinch my cheeks! AKWARD and FUNNY?= YES! As much as I HATE having my larger-than life cheeks being pulled at, I was glad that it served to ‘break the ice’, as we were all laughing by the end of it. Later that week, the government officials gave us rides to the remote places. I received a ride from one of the female authorities who had a black and white polka-dot motorcycle helmet. One day she showed up in a shirt that matched it perfectly!

Rice Paddies & the ever-stylish local authority who gave me rides to interviewees' homes

            Although I wish I could hear firsthand the women’s experiences, I still got a lot out of the experience! I got to see the full houses and house repairs Habitat has done over the years. We went to about 15 of them, and each neighborhood or ‘hem’—alleyway, was different. 

Scenes from the neighbourhoods:
 The first two pictures at the top and the house at the bottom right are examples of  Habitat full houses

            The contrast between extreme poverty and increasing wealth was evident in the range of homes. Sometimes, side-by side or across the way, you’d find a low-income or  a near or fully dilapidated home, opposite a house of epic proportions considering the surroundings.  The physical locations also varied considerably. One was down a narrow--and noisy, alleyway at a home that faced an outdoor market. Another was more remote and we had to take a motorcycle to get there, which provided us with a view of the bluest of skies and lush green fields of rice.  

These two homes were side-by side: The 1st is a repair by Habitat and across the street was this huge house

            My Tho was so different in pace, size and economic status from Ho Chi Minh City—at least what I’ve seen of it. Nestled around the Mekong Delta, instead of the continuous buzz of motorcycles and traffic and skyscrapers, modestly sized buildings and daring structures on stilts were found. I could see the sun setting clearly and the air was full of sounds of boats of various sizes, chugging through the water, and people carrying on selling an array of trades.

Sights from My Tho